Another Glow Stick Dance Darude- Sandstorm

Here is another glow stick dancing video I did tonight. I am mentally exhausted from midterms. I plan to get back to writing next week. Enjoy the video. Dreams are dreams, even if others call them foolish. 

 

Trying Something New

I was never confident in dancing in any way, shape, or form.  I then shot video of myself doing glow stick dancing to two songs. Please check them out and enjoy. They may not be perfect, but they may be a testament that we should all try to do the things that make us happy or at least give it a shot! I hope you enjoy! 

Up For a Challenge? Is it time?

Have you ever found yourself going through the same mundane routine over and over again? Each week mirrors the last. I cannot tell you whether something happened one, two, three, or four weeks ago.  The calendar's days are a blur and the pages of the months are turned over like those being read by an enthused reader who has found a title that they just cannot put down.  Where has 2010 gone? For that matter why did I take 2007, 2008, and 2009 for granted?  I see people talking about wanting fast forward life and it blows my mind.  I must admit that I wanted to speed things up and hurry towards more promising days, but here I am going on two and one-half decades this December wishing I was living in yesteryear.  

I am evolving into an optimist. I am giving without expectation. I am grateful for the positive things in my life and doing my best at ignoring the negative.  Yes, I go on crusades and I may not fight all the right battles; but I know that I cannot look back and say I wish I would have fought harder.  People question my concern over things that seem petty to them. There may not be a large monetary value attached to each battle, but what about principle? Why can we not stand up, dig in, and resist what we see as unethical? Why is everything starting to look more and more like a paradox?  

I was told by a wise colleague that by exercising and being an optimist my brain is rewiring itself and these moments of helplessness or hopelessness are my body and brain fighting my swim upstream.  No one ever said that swimming upstream of shaving against the grain was pleasant. I never held a desire for accomplishments to come with ease.  The greatest victories in life are those that we put blood, sweat, tears, fears, heart, and soul into seeing it through. Believe me it hurts to be apathetic and only care about how others perceive the self.  Before I went on a spending halt I used to fill an empty void with gadgets, luxuries, and other trinkets.  Now I am questioning whether or not I need to buy another pair of snow tires for my all-wheel-drive car with a very rough winter in the forecast.  I better make up my mind on that one soon.  What is a need? To some the word need is incomprehensible and use such words as huge, best, etc. in describing their desires. When you need something does it have to be the best? The only aspects of my life that I want to be the best are my soul mate and to be the best person I can possibly be.  

I will continue uphill and when I stumble I will not start thinking of the easy way out of throwing aside concern. I am ready to take on this challenge that I see as being a minority, (and optimist in a very apathetic or pessimistic world).  Today is coming to a close and tomorrow I will wake up with renewed hope because even in this grand illusion that everyday is exactly like the last; there are moments that need to be amplified to fight a never-ending battle to be free of displeasure.

Running-More than Heel-Toe Heel-Toe

Pull them taught, get in the mode. Make the loops and tie the knot. Stretch the muscles think about the day.  The initial strain starts the melt-away.  Feeling limber, climb into the saloon, the track will be under my feet soon.  Fire up the engine and hear it hum. As I near the drum of my heart takes over.  Jump up and down to loosen up because this body will not stop until it has enough.  Fueled with food and vitamins, but the stress, now that is the stuff!  I feed off the negative "concerns" and that is plenty to get me past the burn.  Press play and night turns into day.  I am a rocket ready to ignite, but good luck seeing me in the shadows of the night.  As a round a corner the music hounds on, but I really do not bother to change the song.  Push, push, push I haven't even begun, before I know it I hear I have completed my run.  I hear congratulations this is the farthest you have gone, but I know tomorrow brings a new dawn.   

When I hear that my journey is complete reality sets in as I begin to feel the heat.  My body aches and the pain is frightening. Who the heck filled my legs with lighting?  As I walk the pain switch has been set from off to on, and the strain of my madness is far from gone.  My shins burn with a fire-like rage, can I really be getting up there in age? I feel like I am trapped and cannot leave the track, but my mind is free from the toils, which make me want to crack.  Two more steps forward and no steps back, onward toward my car and call it a night.  Tomorrow brings another fight.  A fight to deal with all of the turmoil of the new day, but the next run is not that far away.

I have come to learn that every little aspect of life is a gift. I do not enjoy the pain I feel after a run, but I enjoy the energy and other health benefits of the task. No one is out there to judge when your running in circles to your favorite tune.  A comfortable pace is completely up to you.  If I find myself running low on motivation to continue, I think of something I have bottled up inside.  Soon after, an explosion of energy hits my extremities and I begin to glide.  All the nagging and negativity that I hear throughout the day is simply motivation to burn it away.  Some people explode at the drop of a dime; I happen to keep it inside and release it in stride at another juncture in time.  When I come home aching like an old man I am asked if insane and to refrain from pushing myself as hard the next time.  Well, we never know when and if there is going to be a next time; so I give it my all and without this stress relief I would go insane.  I used to deal with stress by coming home and falling asleep, but no longer will I watch optimum health sleep from reach.  We all make choices on how we can live and I choose to take from my body in order to give.  Forgive me for my moments of trying to save face, for now I am trying to make it through life with grace. 

The Challenge of Today

Each day I wake up I find it is less and less of a challenge to get out of bed. I know there are those days when it is cold, overcast, or your bed feels like the best place in the world; but how can one know what is out there if we become confined to pillows and blankets?  I cannot stand before you and say that I am the social butterfly that I used to be.  I am a loner and I keep to myself for the most part.  My parents and my four-legged lady are my world.  The track and running shoes come in a close second.  Is it a negative to be connected and engaged when at work and be an outsider looking in when in leisure?  Some might argue, well a great deal of people will argue, that humans need to be social creatures.  I happened to watch a film a couple semesters ago about how detrimental it was on the human body, mind, and spirit to not communicate with others.  This does not define my situation.  I spend forty or more hours a week communicating with patrons that come into my place of business and I spend countless hours taking part in classroom and online discussions for my college courses.  Within the confines of my house, my family and I are open books.  We love to discuss what events had a significant impact on our day and offer a support system for one another when stress becomes a joint venture.  Our level of disclosure is amazing because I still respect my parents as the people who gave me life and the foundation upon which I stand, that I presume is that of a good person.  What is holding me back from wanting to be with others and spend time outside of my routine. 


I come back to the words I used earlier, which are challenge and comfort.  A year ago I was confined to my bed.  Not for any medical reasons, but because it was my comfort zone where challenges had little significance.  I would come home from work or school and escape to the land of dreams in order to close my eyes upon reality and forward momentum.  Now I find that sleep is a luxury and the relationships we have with others are of greater value. Once time allows, or I stop making excuses, I will go out and become social again. I re-opened my facebook account to connect with old friends and those who live cities, states, and continents away. One must admit that I am off to a start, but I will not start something I do not intend to finish. Excuses are such an easy way out of doing. Before I began my lifestyle change in respect to my mind, body, and spirit I made excuses not to exercise, meditate, or expand my consciousness. Today I just ran over four miles and it feels great. The body fascinates me on a daily basis and will continue to do so in the future.  Life really is a set of choices, decisions, and a result of action or inaction. Everything we do has a ripple effect.  We can cast a stone into a still pond and we will never see the end of the ripples from that first impact rock and water.  This analogy makes me choose action and being proactive because I might not see the results of my decisions until a later date.  I want to be the driving force in my life and eventually I will find my soul mate who will help me along my journey. 


This Spring I I plan to do quite a bit of traveling.  First stop is going to be to Miami, Florida for a reunion with the Winter Music Conference and Ultra Music Festival 2011 towards the end of March.  Next I will make it a point to go visit my friends in Portland, Oregon and enjoy the beauty of the city nestled within the forests of the Northeastern United States.  On my way back I plan to visit friends and family in Colorado and then make a Journey to Europe.  Here is a question I would probably ask while reading this: "Is he going to take someone with him or is he going alone?"  Each destination is a must and I will not allow another person's schedule interfere with my exploration. Also, this will be a great opportunity for me to meet new people because I cannot enjoy myself if I am an antisocial part of the scenery.  What I have realized is that no matter how comfortable I am in bed; or no matter how appealing it sounds to hit the snooze button I will be up and ready to take on the new challenge that I like to call today.  Life is too short to be comfortable and we need to sometimes step outside of our comfort zone in order to learn more about not only ourselves, but also our surroundings and the people that make up this beautiful planet.  Are you up for the challenge?


(Thank you all for reading and I really appreciate the feedback I have received thus far.  Please feel free to comment if you would like, but I am grateful that my words are being seen by many, versus being heard by a few.)

 

Allowing the Waters Shape My Character

I do regretfully give apologize for not posting sooner.  There have been two reasons why I have not posted. The first being that I not only want to make sure that everything I put on here comes from the heart and soul, but also ensuring every posting have sustenance to where it can help you grow, heal, or see insight on another person's point-of-view. 

I have always been one of those people that has seen everything as either being black or white. Any shade in between really did not appeal to me and defense mechanisms would be on standby when something did not fall into this color scheme.  It is hard to believe that I have spent over twenty four years not knowing who I am or even liking myself for that matter.  Finally I am going along with the belief system of a pragmatist and seeing that the only consistency in life is change and there is always room for improvement through reform.  

The metaphor in the title is not an attempt to have a catchy name for this post.  It is a metaphor for life.  Picture life as a riverbed atop a mountain with cool, clean, magnificent water making its way downhill from the melting snow.  Look into that crystal clear water and see that almost every rock in there is rounded and the way they allow it to effortlessly flow over them.  There are stones in there that have just rolled into submersion and time will allow them to become homogeneous as well. A rock has no feelings and embraces the erosion of its rough exterior to reveal the inner beauty waiting to escape.  I, however, have always been the stone in the river that refused fluidity.  When I peered inside I did not see the light that was starving for oxygen; I saw a dark hallow place, a void, and a of feeling of hopelessness.  As I see my body transform I see my personality come around as well. Now that light is shining brighter as I inhale deeply and fuel that increasingly beautiful glow.

I am still taking baby steps in gaining confidence in who I am and what I stand for.  However, I can stand before you today and say that I am content with my character. Outside forces still have their influence, but they are no longer the driving force.  The defense mechanisms have been reduced and I have disarmed. I can feel the weight and years of aging I have put on my mind and body flow downstream with a sigh of relief.  No longer will I be what someone else desires. No longer will I try to adhere to an ideal of another. I am a beautiful person who would give the shirt off my back to help another and that brings a smile to my face.  My blessings have been audited and inventory says I am in good shape.  If I should ever frown it is only due to seeing another struggle.  Life is a gift, a journey, a playground, and an something we cannot quantify.  The only thing we can do is be the best that we can and improve the quality of our own existence and the existence of those whom we surround ourselves with.  Do not love like there is not going to be a tomorrow. Love like there is not going to be ten more minutes. Still be gracious and give to others, but do not neglect yourself. It feels great to let the crisp waters flow over me without resistance and be surrounded by like-minded individuals seeing the beautiful colors this world has to offer. 

Being True to MYSELF- Something I Overlooked For Too Long....

How does one start talking about focusing on being honest to themselves when they have extended all their efforts in the pleasure of others?  Well, it takes some time to get the words flowing and to tear down the mental barriers that have been put in place, which have prevented me from revealing my core.  Disclosure is a gift and when another is willing to touch upon Level 2 and Level 3 Disclosure, show gratitude by listening.  Such levels of disclosure delve beyond the pleasantries we exchange and the petty issues we experience in life.  I do not want to discount Level 1 Disclosure because it is a steppingstone that bridges acquaintance and friendship.  A great deal of us have these defense mechanisms that we have built in order to shield against exposing who we really are.  Such exposure increases vulnerability and it is a basic human instinct to not want to be vulnerable to any form of aggression.  As we become comfortable with others we are apt to disclose more with them because we have a level of trust that eases the mind form fear of relation. 
 


Personally I have viewed myself as being a person that discloses quite a bit and at times have even caught myself thinking that I probably disclose more than I should.  However, how can one have the perception that they put all their cards on the table when they do not have a grasp on personal identity?  I cannot praise physical activity enough. In March of 2009 I was heading back from the last day of Ultra Music Festival 11 in Miami, Florida.  It was at this point that I was still obese, but in denial.  As the cab pulled up to the Hotel the cab driver gave me his card before asking for payment.  The man was a Haitian wellness advocate and he said, "I want you to take this card and every time you look at it think of exercising three to four times a week."  Of course I felt insulted because someone had just called me out about being fat, but reality is not always pleasant.  I do not know why it took more than a year for me to decide I needed to do something about my physical condition, but as I was walking off the track after a run a couple days ago and I thought of the words from this cabbie and smiled.  My peers view me as being a little insane for putting myself through the physical stress of exercise, but I cannot begin to list all the benefits that have came from this insanity.  I feel great for starters.  My brain is firing on more cylinders than I knew existed, and I have stopped doing mental gymnastics to accept my surroundings.



I cannot stand before you and say that I have figured out exactly what I want and who I am.  Self-discovery is a process, but strides have been made.  I no longer feel the need to impress others or feel like I am part of some untangle competition to be viewed in a positive light.  Material possessions no longer rule my emotions and I do not need to go out and spend money to try and fill the metaphorical sink hole that was my previous emotional state.  What I am trying to say here is that I was lost in a paradox.  My ability to live in a blissful state of mind was a direct reflection of how I thought others perceived me.  At the same time I was searching for ways to please myself by pleasing others and always putting myself last.  Now this perception has surfaced as a falsehood and I shall continue my search for who I really am.  What I do know is that as today I stand before you and say I know we must not be selfish or think that everyone else comes second; but at the same time we cannot put everyone else first and neglect the our own needs. 
 
Let me introduce myself.  I am Darin Mellor and I am learning to love life and appreciate the small aspects in this world I have taken for granted for far too long.  My head is no longer looking over my shoulder trying relive the past.  The future does not daunt me because the variables of the present will facilitate what the hands of time plan to reveal down the road. Every action has an equal and opposite reaction; and almost everything in life is based upon a choice, decision, action or inaction. Now I know that I value people and the relationships I have with them; and an inventory of our material possessions have been cast away.  My hope in humanity and the human spirit has been revitalized. No longer do I chase pipe dreams of success because I am already successful, but my failure comes in this recognition.  My goals are simple versus being complex.  I plan to live an enjoyable life and know that I have contributed to improving not only the lives of others, but also improving my own.  May the seas be calm and may I have the motivation and perseverance to continue to find out what is really important.  And most importantly may I have the strength not to backpedal and keep being honest to everyone, including me.



(Thank you all for your patience in waiting for my next posting.  I want to make sure that each and every post is meaningful and offers some insight into how we can all improve our situations.  As, always I encourage you to provide feedback on my postings, but as I have stated today I do not need recognition to feel at ease. I look forward to posting again soon and may all of you continue to see the silver lining in this wonderful marathon we see as life.)