I have always wondered why we do these mental gymnastics that can leave us floating on Cloud Nine or frantically grasping for anything to slow our fall. Sometimes there is a bounce in our step and other times the sound of dragging feet echoes when we are close to hitting rock bottom. Life is not an easy journey and it was not designed to be. Think of those who are born with a silver spoon in their mouths and compare them to those who were born without such a spoon twenty, thirty, or even forty years later. Is there a significant difference between the two? Well, most would say yes the silver spoon started off with promise, wealth, and more opportunity at their disposal. Now question the one without; they have options to either sink or swim, thick skin, and surprisingly enough-- opportunity as well.
Probe the mind and numerous examples of those born without a silver spoon while maintaining a positive attitude. Names and faces should start arriving in the conscious of those who started with nothing and now have it all should come to mind. Do I dare give you examples? No I will refrain because I want your mind to work. If you can do mental gymnastics to make yourself filled with sorrow at one moment and filled with joy the next; I can rest assured that the mental capacity exists to do some thinking on your terms. If that fails do a search with your preferred search engine and your display will be filled with more results than your mind can digest.
Let us flip the coin. Think of those born into money and hold the perception that they had every opportunity to be successful. Did they count their blessings and run with it? Or did they end up on the cover of a magazine for some act beyond rationality to stay in the hue of the spotlight? Sometimes when a person has it all they do not know what to do when the slightest hiccup occurs in their perfect world and they feel compelled to seek an emotional high.
This goes beyond any monetary standpoint because we can argue that money solves problems. It gives us a sense of security and for an ex-shopaholic like myself, it gave me a rush to buy lavish material garbage. What was the meaning of casting aside my parent's reasonable thinking that I would grow out of having to buy designer clothing? What made me feel so good about being an advertisement for the company's logo imprinted on my clothing? And how did I justify buying designer wear that had no logo available to the naked eye? I remember working at a retail store that was the epicenter of all the hottest brands and fashion trends. Yes, I did receive 40 percent off the retail price to entice me to wear their clothing and be a walking model of their products. What really stood out with this company was every time I punched in I would walk by our slogan that people like designer clothes because it makes them feel good. Is that to say that a red 100 percent cotton t-shirt minus a logo is any less comfortable or useful than its' brand name foe? Realistically, I would vote for the shirt without the logo because after washing a few times the screen print begins to crack and fade, but that is the what is in style; so we will leave that as my personal opinion.
After high school I started college and that was a grand experience. I met barley and hops; fast and frozen microwaveable foods; and watched and listened to myself getting fatter. Did I become discouraged and depressed because my wardrobe was shrinking and I had less and less skin hugging clothes at my disposal? No, I actually think I had some of the greatest moments of my life getting fattened up and living in the moment. I was a social butterfly and my friends would call me out as we walked downtown asking if there wasn't a single person in Iowa City that I did not know. That was the peak of my confidence and I loved the heck out of my freshman year. My grades suffered and I was no longer the A student who became upset with an occasional A- or B+; I was now a guy who was associated with the University and all of the good times that came with it.
I had to pick my brain for a moment to find the turning point that caused me to lose a sense of confidence that if anyone can get it done Darin can! It was the day I was back home on Summer Vacation and my social antics caught up with me. I was told by my Academic Advisor that it would be in my best interest to withdraw from my classes for the Spring Session and return in the fall because a close friend passed away during finals week and I could not make up the tests. My finger slid across the envelop and I heard the fibers separating to reveal my fate. The letterhead was there and I knew what it said before my pupils could focus on the words. It was a letter saying that I was excused from the University for one academic year. I loved Iowa City and was determined to return in the fall of 2005. I enrolled at a satellite campus of a community college in Iowa City. It was a short drive from my house; but I lost a part of myself when I saw my roommates walk west towards campus and I had to fire up my engine and drive east to my new school. I still knew people, but became more disconnected. My circle of friends became more tightly knit, but I was no longer the life of the party or the extroverted young man I used to be.
This new setting started making me knowingly feel self conscious; and I say knowingly because as I reflect upon life I have always been a self conscious person. I still cannot pinpoint why that changed maybe it was the weight gain catching up to me. Or maybe it was the lack of physical activity altered the amount of natural endorphins my brain received to be a positive individual. All I know is that from that point on the only parties I was throwing were pity parties and I sunk into a rut that lasted from the fall of 2005 to about August of 2010.
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