Embrace or Dismiss?

There are quite a few aspects of my life I can apply the principle embracing or dismissing.  We are constantly faced with decisions where an affirmation is to embrace as negation is to dismiss.  Each choice, idea, task, or thought that comes our way we are faced with this inevitable crossroad.  People have told me that everything is a choice and I am on the fence of believing such a notion.  When I first moved back to the Omaha, Nebraska area I was attending a World Religions course where a Buddhist Monk came in to speak to us and answer questions we posed.  Out of all of the knowledge he passed on to the class one aspect stood out.  He mentioned the idea of the ripple effect and gave us a mental picture of the concept with the example of tossing a stone into a body of water.  What one may notice is that when this is done rings, (or ripples), spread from the point of impact and gradually become more faint as they expand, multiply, and spread. What we do not know is how far the ripples go and where they end.


What I took from this was that we might be able to see the short-term ramifications of our every thought, move, or deliberation.  A month ago I would be sitting here feeling great after putting more miles on my running shoes.  The choice I made after my senior year of high school to stop being physically active and eating healthy has resulted in a sensation of pain in the cartilage and one of the muscles or tendons in my right knee.  I had an operation on this knee when I was a sophomore in high school.  Gosh, I cannot believe that was almost eight years ago this month.  The doctor told me that my knee's lifespan depended upon my physical activity and weight.  When I went off to college I met barley and hops along with a poor diet that consisted of something I could cook in five minutes or be delivered.  My choice was to embrace a poor diet and dismiss physical activity.  Now I am having to dismiss my passion for running and embrace other forms of exercise to stay physically fit until my doctor can see what is wrong.  Other factors are weighed in as well and may not seem to be within our control.


For instance I have a research paper with a deadline that is approaching soon.  The rough draft was due this evening. I did not choose to embrace a stomach bug which disabled me to go to work or class; but I chose to dismiss research due to feeling tired and not wanting to put forth the effort to work on this project because of the toll being ill has had on my body.  

One thing that I need to welcome with open arms is friendship.  I stand before you saying that my only real friend lives 256 miles away from me and he and I rarely are able to chat depending on our busy schedules.  I made the choice to drown myself in work, school, and being a loner.  People trying to get close to me and tear down these defensive walls have asked me why I appear to be afraid to let anyone get close.  I dismissed the notion that it was fear at first, but now I am fearful because of uncertainty.  I am uncertain of who I am and what changed from the time I was a social butterfly at the University of Iowa to a shut-in living near Omaha, NE. This afternoon my mother and I were having a chat and she asked me if she was a bad person or what was wrong wit her because she has no friends. I candidly answered her and said that I am a mirror image of her and my father and to say I knew the answer to their dilemma would be to know the answer to my own.


I, like my parents, always receive compliments from others about being nice and approachable people.  One conclusion I came to today, which I shared with my mom, was that we are genuinely kind and giving people.  Our personality type is very rare.  We seemingly give without expectation. For the most we do actually give without expectation, but everything is finite.  I do have a great deal of admiration for my father because his giving is seemingly infinite.  Maybe he dismisses any return for his good deeds and I praise him for doing so.  As for my mother and I we embrace the idea that we should give to people, do favors, and be helpful to others without being asked.  A number of times this causes us to be taken for granted or taken advantage of.  There is the age old saying that if you let people take advantage of you, they will.  Here is where I think the two of us run into issues with friends and with the exception of my father, (in her case), lovers.  We are willing to give until we are almost bled dry, but we seemingly cannot dismiss the expectation that others should hold this quality as well.  Constantly, in my personal experience when I become frustrated for being taken advantage of the other person's argument is, "well if you wanted something all you had to do is ask."  To draw things back to my main point to not appear that I went off on crazy tangent.  Why must we dismiss the notion to do without being asked or obligated; and how can we learn to embrace the gifts of others with even the smallest token of gratitude?  When I can answer this question I will be one step closer in my long road to divinity. 




(I do appreciate the influx of comments that have started to emerge.  Feedback in any form even putting your own thoughts out there is a cherished gift.  I must apologize for not posting sooner, but due to school, a broken notebook, and life I hadn't the opportunity to share my thoughts and ideas with you.  I wish you all a Happy Halloween and may it be a day where we embrace our inner child we can dismiss all the forces that try to drag us down.)