End Day 365. Begin Day One.

This is the time of year that we call upon the consciousness to decide where we feel we have been successful, but moreover where we need improvement.  I have not wrote since Thanksgiving for reasons out of my control, but I shall not go off on a tangent. The hours, minutes, and seconds of this day, year, and decade are the final grains of salt filtering through an egg timer. Last time I wrote I asked us to be thankful and show gratitude through giving; now it is time to take that a step further. Search Amazon.com for nike under armour
 

As I mentioned it is the point in time where we all take a step back to find opportunities for improvement in the year to come.  The obvious would be that I will not only continue to improve my physical health, but also dive into improving my mental and spiritual health. It is extremely hard to ask the question of what places me in solitude when the answer is vividly apparent.  There is an inn rbattle of man versus self. How can I appreciate, love, cherish, empathize, support, and know anyone else if I cannot do any of those the above for myself?
 
The question has always been apparent, but the answers, or journey to the answers have fallen victim of subconscious avoidance.  So let's put all the cards on the table and work with the hand dealt.  What I appreciate about myself is that I know that I am a caring person to the extent that I find myself on the verge of tears when I do something really special for another, (or even witness such an act). This is not something I want to lose, but it will slip away if I keep hollowing my core. Another quality I appreciate is my sense of humor that escapes when I least expect it, but I need to quit placing a great deal of focus on suppression and roll with the punches. As I continue to work on these resolutions it is my greatest hope that the other aspects leading to improvement will fall into place.
In two days I find out how whether that river card is an Ace of Spades or a 2 of another suit. Whether I get the royal flush with a clean bill of health or not I am not going to give up. I am going to persevere and I am going to live each day like it is my last. Part of self-improvement is calling oneself out on flaws and following up with a solution. Simply shining light on a pitfall leads to self-pity and sour moods; follow through is needed. Writing is a great way to express feelings, thoughts, emotions, and discover more about the self. 
 
Another step I am taking in the right direction is a vow of celibacy and a vow of avoiding self gratification. This is not purely sexual, but I need to learn how to be truly pleased and comfortable with what I have and who I am.  Cheap thrills are no longer going to cut it and I must find a more constructive way to enlightenment. Starting three days ago, I took a 69 Day Vow to not have sexual relations; even in regards to simple and innocent things like flirtation. I have spent about seven years trying to fill a void and searching for my next relationship.  Searching is not the methodology, which will produce results.  I am going to drive women crazy because I am off the market completely for the next 66 days; and with my physical activity level going through the roof I can only imagine it will feed into their primal desire to want that which they cannot. 
 

In the spirit of saying goodbye to 2010 I welcome 2011. It is my final year of closing a chapter and starting anew. I also vow to follow the wisdom of Leonardo Da Vinci and sleep seven to eight hours a night.  There are too many precious hours in the day that I can spend sharing my thoughts with you, exercising, working on my studies, and spending time with my family and my loyal Bandit.  I look forward to making it a goal to post twice a month, then weekly, and then twice a week.  I almost typed out the sentence that I would really appreciate some feedback; but I am going to start on one of my resolutions of loving and appreciating myself.  My work is an extension of me so I will candidly say it is up to snuff.  I wave a melancholy goodbye to 2010 and welcome opportunity with open arms. Let's get men in 2011!