Allowing the Waters Shape My Character

I do regretfully give apologize for not posting sooner.  There have been two reasons why I have not posted. The first being that I not only want to make sure that everything I put on here comes from the heart and soul, but also ensuring every posting have sustenance to where it can help you grow, heal, or see insight on another person's point-of-view. 

I have always been one of those people that has seen everything as either being black or white. Any shade in between really did not appeal to me and defense mechanisms would be on standby when something did not fall into this color scheme.  It is hard to believe that I have spent over twenty four years not knowing who I am or even liking myself for that matter.  Finally I am going along with the belief system of a pragmatist and seeing that the only consistency in life is change and there is always room for improvement through reform.  

The metaphor in the title is not an attempt to have a catchy name for this post.  It is a metaphor for life.  Picture life as a riverbed atop a mountain with cool, clean, magnificent water making its way downhill from the melting snow.  Look into that crystal clear water and see that almost every rock in there is rounded and the way they allow it to effortlessly flow over them.  There are stones in there that have just rolled into submersion and time will allow them to become homogeneous as well. A rock has no feelings and embraces the erosion of its rough exterior to reveal the inner beauty waiting to escape.  I, however, have always been the stone in the river that refused fluidity.  When I peered inside I did not see the light that was starving for oxygen; I saw a dark hallow place, a void, and a of feeling of hopelessness.  As I see my body transform I see my personality come around as well. Now that light is shining brighter as I inhale deeply and fuel that increasingly beautiful glow.

I am still taking baby steps in gaining confidence in who I am and what I stand for.  However, I can stand before you today and say that I am content with my character. Outside forces still have their influence, but they are no longer the driving force.  The defense mechanisms have been reduced and I have disarmed. I can feel the weight and years of aging I have put on my mind and body flow downstream with a sigh of relief.  No longer will I be what someone else desires. No longer will I try to adhere to an ideal of another. I am a beautiful person who would give the shirt off my back to help another and that brings a smile to my face.  My blessings have been audited and inventory says I am in good shape.  If I should ever frown it is only due to seeing another struggle.  Life is a gift, a journey, a playground, and an something we cannot quantify.  The only thing we can do is be the best that we can and improve the quality of our own existence and the existence of those whom we surround ourselves with.  Do not love like there is not going to be a tomorrow. Love like there is not going to be ten more minutes. Still be gracious and give to others, but do not neglect yourself. It feels great to let the crisp waters flow over me without resistance and be surrounded by like-minded individuals seeing the beautiful colors this world has to offer.